I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
