I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Randomize
