matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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