you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
