Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
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