I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
