Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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