My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
