it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
