I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
