dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
