Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
