dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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