"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
