i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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