My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
