note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
