the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
