I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
