i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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