Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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