You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
