get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
