New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Randomize
