I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
