I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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