We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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