Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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