i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
