sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
