I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
