The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
