I wish they made helmets for livers.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
