I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Randomize
