clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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