Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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