thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
