im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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