I can text with my tongue
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Randomize
