just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
how can u be prego again
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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