are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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