he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
