weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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