32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
