weddingsv make me drug and hornr
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
