i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
is that a dick in a sweater?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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