you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
