his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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