Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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