brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
