A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
