i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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