the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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