Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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