Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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