My cat gives me a boner
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
