you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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