I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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