Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
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